WAKA-WAKA: DIARY OF ANWULI DI ASHEWO GAL (2)



Saturday Night.
Customer dismiss im driver come carry me enter room. Di man don over drunk well well. Normally we dey collect money gi our friends before we go night vigil bizness but dis wan na big man na..and im dey overdrunk.  Action babe don hammer be dat!  Mi I just yarn am say my money na ten taaasind. Di  man say no wahala.
Me and di old rich papa hammer one weak one before di mumu come sleep. Sometimes for dis we bizness ehn, we dey prefer dos rough boys wey carry AK 47 for inside dia pant. Despite say we dey fia di wons wey don shayo Alomo with monkey tail…come carry wee-wee wash top am, woman pikin no mind to mix bizness with pleasure o.
Anyway sha, I gi di papa pale style wey  mek am speak in tongues. My mind no even dey dia at all. All na film trick na! If you be fine gal like me wey dey plan to enter dis we booming bizness ehn, one secret wey I wan tell you be say men dey like to feel say dem carry big tin and dem suffer you for bed. Even if you no feel ant tins ehn.., just dey shout like say di man na Goliath for bed. If possible, mek am believe say you don troway many times. Wives! Una hate me but I dey gi una secret to mek una marriage last. Even if you no be virgin ehn, mek your man feel say na im break you on di first day. Na so e be wey mi and di mugu man come sleep ooo.
Night, dis papa no gree me sleep with im hoooooo-huuuuum, hooooo-huuuuum. Di man dey snore like say na one million okpolo dey im mouth. Chei! Come hear smell of shack and other orishirishi. As di mumu continue dey snore nahim I carry pillow block my ear come sleep.
Sunday Morning.
I open my eye come see oga customer dey look me. Drink don clear im eye.
“What are you doing in my house, stranger?” Di man faya me grammer. I laugh. See expensive joke.
“You don wake? Oya pay me my pepper mek I diappear.” I come begin dey arrange myself to waka.
“You mean you are a prostitute? I don’t patronize prostitutes! How did you get here? Did you conspire with my driver to drug me or what?”
I see say di man mean bizness. I look di big house with big gate and big fence. If I jack di man, nobody go help me. We hala ourselves well well. Mumu papa come dey shout me to gerout im house. E begin shout im aboki wey dey gate to come throw me out.
Actor no dey die for film and mi I no fit carry last. You no wetin I do? I arrange myself, run go im parlour. Before you ask who kill Dele Giwa, I drop one giant morning shit on top di table, carry one cloth from chair clean my nyash! AS di man dey wonder whether na dream im dey dream, na so I waka go outside go begin shout for help.
To be continued.

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